OhBeJoe: April 2009

Thursday, April 30, 2009

Deli Horror

I went to Dunnes for a roll at lunch time. I’m not proud of it but I was hungry. I asked the wee woman behind the counter for a roll with chicken and cheese. Chicken and cheese she asked, yes I said chicken and cheese. Confident that my request had been processed by her I wandered off to get my pint of milk. When I returned to the deli she had my roll all wrapped up and I was on my way.

When I got back to the office and un-wrapped my chicken and cheese roll there was only chicken. I was fucking livid!

I took my chicken, no cheese, roll back down to Dunnes and confronted the half sized dumpy wee fuck of a yoke with the evidence. I requested a very simple roll I said, it only required that you remember two things for no more than two minutes. Two things, I said, chicken and cheese, if you’re asked for only two things and reminded of them twice and yet still forget one of them then what does that say about you I said, and shoved the roll back under her nose to further prove my point.

She squinted at it from under her glasses like I had handed her the end of my cock. Well we all make mistakes and I’m not in the habit of been spoken to in that tone of voice by the likes of you, she said in a superior, I’m this side of the counter kind of way. I stared at her as I weighed up my options, but I'm afraid my anger over her insolence got the better of me.

I reached over the counter and grabbed her by the scruff of the neck. She lurched forward, her body paralysed by surprise. I grabbed her collar with my other hand and in a flash she was sliding down the outside of the deli counter, my side of the deli counter like a clothed drunk walrus. I was giddy with rage as her floppy meaty head hit the tiled floor. I dragged her back from the counter raising her upward, by the back of her collar, as I went. When she was almost on her feet I gave her a series of upper cuts to the underside of her chin. I thumped and thumped her work mates screamed and screamed, someone shouted for security and I thumped and thumped.

Eventually I felt her head get mushy her face started to droop like the bells palsied fuck nut that she was. It was only when her white deli hat started to turn a dark red that I realised I had thumped the top of her head off. I had liberated what meager brains she had from her cranium.

I stopped thumping and threw her backwards toward the counter which she hit with some considerable force. Her hat went north smearing the counter with brain matter as her dumpy little cheese forgetting body slid south.

I could still hear the moans of her work mates as I left the shop. I think tomorrow I’ll make my own fucking sandwich.

No More Slagging God ...

This was in todays Independent....

By Dearbhail McDonald Legal Editor

Thursday April 30 2009

JUSTICE Minister Dermot Ahern has defended the introduction of a new crime of blasphemous libel, stating that a new definition was required by the Constitution.

Speaking after an Oireachtas committee meeting, Mr Ahern yesterday defended a fine of up to €100,000 that will be imposed on blasphemers.

The Government moved to revive the crime by placing it onto a fresh statutory footing following advice from the office of the Attorney General.

Gardai will now have the power to seize blasphemous material from the home or any other premises used by a person convicted of blasphemy.

The proposed law flies in the face of a recommendation by the Law Reform Commission which said in 1991 that there was no place for such an offence in a society which respects freedom of speech.

There are fears that the new offence may be used by fundamentalists to crack down on publication of material perceived to be injurious to faith.

If they ever come to my house I'll be jailed for life!

My thoughts were ...