Shitty Shitters & The Shitty Shitters That Shit Them

It’s the little things in life that drive me fuckin’ crazy. Like the toilets here where I work. They are of the single cubicle windowless solitary confinement variety where the light switch also controls the extractor fan. That in itself doesn’t bother me. What does bother me is the fact that some of my male co workers like to go in there and evacuate their apparently putrid bowels brewing up a mighty shit storm and then turn the fucking light off when they leave, thus turning off the extractor fan also. Leaving poor unsuspecting souls, like me, to open the door and walk in completely unprepared for the tsunami like wave of toxic shit fumes that would almost melt your face. It’s a simple matter of physics, well physics and biology to be more precise. With the door closed and the extractor fan switched off the toxic shit fumes have nowhere to go in the windowless cubicle but when door opens each little putrid particle of stinking shittyness races toward the opening like a pedophile priest towards an altar boy. Your body recoils in shock but by the time your brain has had a chance to register your body starts to spasm. You start to dry heave but this only serves to force more of the smell down your throat and by consequence up your nose. Your nose tries to seal itself shut and your eyes start to water uncontrollably. It’s akin to munching on a flaming fucking onion. You quickly back up but it's too late. The smell has already raped the face off you. Each little shit filled particle has dry humped your head like a horny dog on a bean bag. The damage has been done and you feel violated. All I wanted was a piss man …

This made me smile though ..