Oh The Pain ....

Got some new furniture delivered recently, yeah exciting isn’t it. My father and some friends helped with the delivery using a jeep. They put the armchair in the back of the jeep to take it away. As they left the house my father was thrilled with himself to be sitting in the back of the jeep in the armchair. All he was missing was the shot gun and he’d have been Jed Clampet. As they drove off I imagined them getting into an accident. Imagining some poor unfortunate crashing into them head on, the last thing the driver would see would be my father coming at them through the windscreen of the jeep, swiftly followed by an armchair and for a split second they’d think they had crashed head on into a living room.

Joined a gym the other day in a bid to get this body of mine into some sort of shape other than a capital O. Being a tad over zealous and not one to do things by halves I threw myself into it like a rapist at an orgy. After only twenty minutes I was sweating like a catholic priest and panting like a paedophile on a school bus. I was hoping from treadmill to cross trainer, yanking on the rowing machine like I was trying to outrow a tsunami. I went down the stairs to the weights room full of the joys of spring, bench pressing till my chest hurt, working the dumbbells till my arms went numb, pumping away on the leg machines till I got cramp and pretty much having a damn good work out. That was Friday morning. I went and did it all again Saturday morning with even more gusto than before but fuck me pink I’m practically crippled now. I can barely lift my arms. I feel as though I’ve been beaten across the chest and shoulders by a large man with a pick axe handle and I’m convinced I’ve got mastitis. I’m not giving up though, oh no, I’ll give it a few days and have a lash at it again. No pain no gain, and if the gain is to be derived proportional to the pain then I’ll be entering Mr. Universe in no time.

Max hand me the Diphene …