Trousers.

Was in england again yesterday, God I hate english people, not all of them mind, just some of them, well lots of them. Especially those types you see in plane stations, waiting to go to Benidorm or some other brit infested shite hole. Those english cunts with their english jerseys and their opened toed sandals and their british bulldog tattoos. With their bald shiny heads, their ham fisted wives and their gut busting, raised on fish n’ chips, beans is a vegetable init’ spawn. Singing shite english holiday songs as they swill cheap flat beer in a brightly lit airport bar. I shan’t even grace thee with capital letters. As the fella said do you know why the sun never set on the english empire? Because even God didn’t trust the cunts in the dark.

So there I was happily sleeping on my flight yesterday when the Excuse-Me-Sir-Yes-I-Am-A-Bastard stewardess woke me up to get me to open the window blind. It’s for safety reasons she assured me as I scowled at her big round puffy caked in six inches of cheap stinky make up head that I wished I could punch her in. The same bastard thing happened on the return flight. I pondered this as the plane battered its way to a halt. Why does it matter if the blind is up or down? It can’t be air pressure can it? Or perhaps it’s for psychological reasons. Perhaps we die better when we can see the ground coming hurtling at us through our little window pane. “Hey Nora what’s that greyish green stuff that seems to be coming towards our window? Oh wait it’s the groun’….”. If the blind were shut perhaps it would be more like "Hey Nora what was that thud, Nora, hey Nora why has your head exploded ...".

So I decided I’d try and find out and here is the closest thing I found to a plausible excuse.

It’s for safety reasons in case of a mishap. The vast majority of all aircraft accidents happen during takeoff and landing. If something were to happen, you would not want to exit the aircraft into a burning pool of jet fuel following a crash landing. Additionally it gives rescuers a view of the inside of the aircraft. They wouldn't want to cut through the side of the aircraft into a fire inside the aircraft or use a Sawzall through the side of the fuselage and cut into an injured passenger.

The cabin lights are usually dimmed or shut off entirely to minimize the sources of ignition in case of a mishap. The fewer circuits that are electrically live, the less chance of a short-circuit induced fire.

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