My fellow penguins,
We stand upon a great threshold! It’s perfectly okay to be frightened; most of you won’t be coming back. But, thanks to the success of the Batman movies, the time has come to punish all humans! Not just the first born either, second, third and fourth born too. Why be biased? Male and female! The sexes are equal so let’s treat them as such. Blow them all sky high! Forward march! The liberation of the penguin nation has begun!
The Penguins.
My dear penguins,
We have, through our contacts in the penguin underworld, intercepted the aforementioned letter. It would seem clear to us that you and yours intend to cause harm to the people in general. Please note that you are a penguin and as such are rather restricted in movement and let’s be honest a bit on the short side too. Being the benevolent species that we are it has been decided to let your initial threats slide for now. Please bear in mind however that if your threats continue or if indeed you attempt to follow through on said threats we the people shall be left with no alternative than to use all the force at our disposal. Now waddle along there and go warm an egg.
The People.
Dear People,
We scoff at your ignorance. Small and restricted in movement we may be but underestimate us at your peril. We were chilling out and knocking back cold ones in the Antarctic while your ape like ancestors were still sucking their mother’s tit and picking fleas from their asses. Through no fault of ours the ice caps are melting and our habitat has come under direct threat. We the penguins view this as an act of war and as such have declared war on you the people. Lets be honest here it isn’t our SUV’s that are causing the damage now is it.
The Penguins.
Dear Penguins,
Don’t make us open a can of whoop ass on you!
The People.
Dear People,
Don’t make us get the polar bears involved!
The Penguins.
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