Orange Cunts.

What’s the fucking point of an orange? I fucking hate oranges. It’s like wrapping Kevlar around a soft shite. What’s so fucking extraordinary about a bastard orange that it has to have a flak jacket anyway? Look at peaches, peaches are soft and easily bruised and exceptionally easy to eat. No helmets, no Kevlar, just a big fuck off nut in the centre and instantly ready to savour. But not oranges, oh no, you have to wrestle with the fucker. Scratch at it with your fingernails, squirting citrus acidic muck into your eye and all over the shop. Then when you finally get purchase on the skin and have it half way off the thing starts to fall apart and there’s shit and snot everywhere. You have orange finger nails, the sticky juice has ruined your hands and run half way up your arm and the good is completely gone out of it. They have pips too, imagine the absolute nerve of the bastards to have a Kevlar coat and then pips to boot, the pompous awkward little cunts. I should have bought an apple.

Max hand me a napkin I'm dying over here ....